It’s amazing how truly quickly we do forget the pain of child birth; along with the pain, the memory has already started to grow a bit dull around the edges. I so desperately want to remember every detail of those moments for a thousand reasons. Of course, the greatest reason is simply because it is the day I met my beloved daughter, but it is also the day that I felt the most powerful, the most loved and treasured by my husband, and the most fearfully and wonderfully made. I don’t ever want to forget that. I imagine I will go back to this day throughout my life and use it as evidence of what I can do through Christ. In a small way, these experiences make us timeless—they bond us to every woman before us who shared in these same pains and knew this same joy.

So the details go like this:
Our original due date was the 22nd of December, and though our doctor told us the 15th was more accurate, I tried hard not to let myself believe it. Of course, the 15th came and went with no signs of anything. Since she was then “overdue”, we had to go through some routine stress tests at which the doctor noted that the amniotic fluid seemed to be low. This left me hyper paranoid and tracking each fetal movement throughout the weekend. Though I had regular back pain for a few days, I was able to sleep it off, and I soon convinced myself that I would remain pregnant well into 2010. Due to the concerns about the low fluid levels, I was to report to the doctor again Monday the 21st. Our fears were that we would have to begin discussing induction which could easily be the demise of our unmedicated birth plan. I woke up early Monday morning again feeling the regular waves of back pain. Kevin began timing them and noted that they were approximately 30 seconds long and occurring every 4-5 minutes; these pains seemed suspiciously like contractions. After being hooked to the fetal monitor again at the doctor’s office, the nurse reported that I wasn’t having any contractions. I managed to remain calm and suggested that perhaps the doctor should check me again. Much to all of our surprise, I was already dilated to 5 cm and had apparently been in labor for a few hours. The doctor stated that the baby should arrive by that night. We excitedly headed to get some food and our bags before checking into the hospital. Here is where most of the story occurs; I walked around the hospital, visited with my dad and stepmom in the waiting area, stood in the bathroom hunched over the sink, exhausted every position on the bed, squatted alongside the wall, and labored…. and labored….. and labored. It certainly did hurt, but I was surprised at my ability to converse and feel fairly normal in between contractions. As the waves of pain would come, the room would fall completely silent and several hands would apply extreme pressure on my lower back. Though I didn’t know it at the time, Mora was facing the wrong way and causing me to have exclusively back labor. After several hours, the nurse reported that I was already in transition and that the doctor was on her way. My husband, sister, mom, and doula were all present, and continued to watch my face for the signs of upcoming contractions. I have never known excitement to be so silent before; the air was buzzing with quiet energy. Though I was highly preoccupied, I will never forget the feeling in that room. My sister just stood with her hand over her mouth and her eyes full of tears. By the time the doctor arrived, I was at 8 cm; with my permission, she broke my water and as quickly as a breath, things became rather serious. Though I never felt that I couldn’t continue without medication, there were a few moments where I requested that my sweet Jesus help hurry things along. At nine centimeters, my body decided to push though it wasn’t yet time. I endured a few more contractions groaning in resistance to the urge to push; finally, the doctor gave me permission to obey my body. Though this part was exhausting, I was so relieved to be approaching the finish line; I continually told myself “You are doing this!” My mother subtly slipped a chair behind Kevin as she feared he might pass out; he claims he was never even close. So many people commented on what an incredible birth partner he was, and he really, really was. Within an hour, Mora had made her grand appearance at an impressive 8 pounds and 12 ounces and looking just exactly like her father. As I lack anything to compare it to, I’m not sure if I had an easy delivery, but I was so surprised at how very doable a natural birth is– difficult, painful, exhausting, YES! But completely doable. Our doula commented that I seemed made to birth children. We’ll see.

Our beautiful little girl has already changed so much. She has just discovered her hands, and she seems mere moments away from breaking out in bellowing laughter. She just fills me up to the very brim, and I am constantly amazed that this is our life now. She is ours for a time, to love, teach, nurture, and kiss relentlessly. She seems to process each and every word I say with a seriousness that gives them great weight. Though we fell into our new normal fairly quickly, I still often look at her with amazement. She is here in our arms, in our hearts, and in her lovely nursery down the hall. One short year ago we had no idea how much we were missing. I am so excited to see the woman this little one will become, and I can’t wait to tell her our story. I’ll tell her of the strength of womanhood and of her own ability to house life within her and bring it into the world. I’m going to wrap this memory up tight, and carry it with me for always. I simply wouldn’t change a single thing.

Advertisement